Chloe Price - Tank Girl Extraordinaire!
by RiggaMorris
Summary: 2033. A nuclear bomb landed about 11 years ago. BANG. No more water. Her name is Chloe Price. She calls herself Tank Girl, because fuck you that's why. And this is her story. From her first movement with Water and Power, to her eventual crush on the nerdy Max, who refers to herself as Jet Girl (because fuck you again), it's all fun, guns, sex drugs and sausage rolls.


"Girl U Want" by Devo blared through Chloe Price's headphones. She turned her head to the left, then the right, glancing around the sandy wasteland. She lifted her audio tape to her lips and exhaled slowly, shrugging. Rachel told her to record her thoughts apparently, so that's what she did.

 _"Listen up fuckers, because I'm only telling you guys this once. I'm not a bedtime story lady, so pay attention."_

She paused for a moment, before yawning slowly.

 _"It's 2033. The world is fucked now. You see, a while ago this humongous comet came crashing into the earth. Bang, total devestation. End of the world as we know it. No celebrities, no cable TV, no water. It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now twenty people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub...so it aint all bad."_

She pocketed the audio recorder and dug her combat booted heel into the side of her buffalo, which was the only damn thing she could use to traverse the sandy bullshit wasteland.

 _"Today's my girlfriends birthday, so I'm out shopping for that perfect gift. Whatever I can scrounge up."_

She noticed something move in the distance and turned her head, brow lifting. Watching still, she narrowed her eyes and lifted her hand to her glasses, tapping a button on the side. The glasses zoomed in once, twice, bringing up the scene of several Water and Power soldiers. Grinning slightly, she reached behind her for her rifle, before one of them vanished, being thrown to the side by a bright orange rather terrifying figure. She brought her recorder back up to her lips.

 _"Shit. I can see Ripper-raptors! The rippers are a demonic army of bloodthirsty, human-eating, purse-snatchin' mutan creatures. Exhibit A, I just watched one of them tear a guys spine out! Euch! That fucker's so dead. They're led by the infamous Johnny Prophet. The Rippers spend most of their time stealing from the WP. That's short for Water and Power. As the name suggests, they control most of the water, and they got all the power. Oh, wait! One last thing. My friends and me, we do not suck up Water and Power. Yeah, we steal the water, but as long as they don't find out, who gives a shit?"_

Chloe tucked her recorder back into her pocket and turned, glad with the haul she caught for the day. Digging her heels into her buffalo, she turned the reins around and began riding back to her "home base", tired, bored, and if she was telling the truth, a touch horny.

"Home sweet home." She mumbled eventually, as her base came into view. It was a giant old farmhouse that stood out against the sand. No one really bothered them, not even W&P. As long as they didn't break any rules, everything would be okay.

* * *

Rachel Amber lowered her legs from the table and stretched, itching her cheek. Removing the cigarette from between her lips, she grinned towards the slightly shorter blonde girl, who was sat comfortably on the floor, drawing happily.

"That's a beautiful drawing, Kate."

Kate Marsh looked up to Rach with a wide grin, her teeth white and even. Kate didn't smile. She beamed and lit the entire room up. "Thank you, Rachel."

"I'mma go water the veggies, alright? I wanna see the drawing once I'm back."

She turned and headed through the "living room" of the house, pausing to spin the dream catcher above the door to her and Chloe's bedroom. Grinning quietly, she headed down the flight of stairs to the greenhouse. Weaving her way through the various fruits, veggies and a little something something under a UV lamp, she made her way to the pump and made sure the bucket was under it, before pushing the pump lever and beginning to pour water into the bucket.

A few seconds after she started, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck prick up, even more so at the sight of a bright red cross hair pointing at her hand, then tracing up her arm and down her cleavage to her stomach. Looking around, she then hid a smirk as a very poor German accent touched the room.

"You've been stealing vater."

Chloe turned the corner, a smug grin on her lips. Rachel did her best to look frightened, hands moving up to beside her head.  
Rachel was a damn good actress.

"What gave you that idea?" She asked, gulping.

"Take off your clothes."

Rachel watched the bluenette for a moment, not moving until Chloe cocked her pistol, aiming the laser sight directly at Rachels crotch.

"Now!"

"Shit. Right, right, right, right, right."

Rachel quickly removed her shirt, dropping it to the floor. She then kicked her boots off and dropped her pants, stepping out of them. Standing now in her black lacy bra and underpants, she glanced over to the taller girl, who was staring lecherously.

"There." Rachel mumbled.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

Rachel sighed and un-clipped her bra, covering her breasts with her arm. She then tugged her underwear down, covering her groin with the palm of her hand and looking over to Chloe, who was now grinning wide.

"Now...Salute me." The punk grinned, lifting her hand to pull her beanie from her head.

"I'm not too good under pressure." Rachel mumbled shyly.

"Vell you vill learn then, von't you?"

Footsteps thundered down the stairs, and round the corner approached Kate, who suddenly shrieked and covered her eyes. "Oh my gosh you two I'm so sorry! I needed to ask Rachel something but apparently you're busy!"

Kate then turned and hurried back up the stairs, leaving Rachel and Chloe staring at each other until Chloe's face cracked and she laughed. "Damn!"

Rachel chuckled and yanked her underwear back up, pulling her clothing back on afterwards. "I was just getting into that one too, Priceless. Gimme the gun."

Chloe tossed the gun and held the handle out to her lover, and as soon as Rachel gripped it, she yanked the shorter blonde close and wrapped her arms around the woman, yanking her into a deep kiss that they held for a few moments.

* * *

"Yo Kate!" Chloe yelled, setting her hand on Kate's black sweater covered shoulder. She grinned as she leaned over, glancing at the drawing. "Hey man, I thought you were working on my Doris Day photograph?"

She eyed up the drawing, which depicted what looked like a pissed off beaver with sharp ass teeth.

"I didn't trade you my autographed Doris picture for...whatever this thing is."

"I know, but the paper usually tells me what it wants." Kate said, voice soft as she glanced down at the sheet. "And it told me it wanted Ripper."

Some random kid Chloe didn't know the name of turned up. Hayden or whatever. Chloe grinned and waltzed away, but watched the exchange.

"How would YOU know what one looks like? No one's ever seen a Ripper." Hayden said. Kate turned round and smiled politely.

"No one has ever seen your peanut dick either."

Chloe laughed and shook her head, turning away once again and into the face of Rachel, who had returned from fixing up her makeup.

"Priceless, you're on guard duty tonight."

Chloe grinned wide and nodded. "Oh! I left something on your bed, babe. Have a look at it in about..." She checked her broken Hello Kitty watch, pursed her lips, and then grinned. "Once it's dark."

* * *

Chloe sat back in her small digout later on in the day, bottle of beer in her hand and audio recorder in the other one. She lifted the device to her lips and pushed the record button.

 _"I take guard duty very seriously."_

She lowered the recorder and yawned slowly, setting down the glass of beer and reaching for the action figures she had grabbed. Moving them around, she spoke in a slightly higher pitched voice.

"Elvis, Elvis! Come out and play!"

In a slightly deeper voice, she grumbled. "Hey baby, what do you say? Me and you, the Vegas Strip?"

She heard footsteps approaching, and Kate's voice called out. "Chloe?"

The bluenette grinned and lowered the action figures, tilting her head back, closing her eyes and inhaling to hold her breath.

Kate dropped into the digout and tapped Chloe's shoulder.

"Chloe?"

No answer. She pursed her lips and shook the punk.

"Chloe?"

Still no answer. Panicking a little now, she shook the girl harder.

"Chloe! Chloe!"

Chloe opened her eyes and grinned wide, sticking out her tongue to the blonde. "Gotcha!"

Kate giggled and sat back, shaking her head. "You buttsmear."

"Now c'mon Katiepie. What'd I tell you? Don't say Buttsmear. It's not becoming of a lady. Say...Asshole, or dickwad!"

Kate giggled and shook her head. "Hey, I'll trade you."

"What'll you trade?"

"I'll sneak you a little food for that dangerball you were telling me about earlier."

Chloe reached behind her and grabbed the silver ball, lips pursing as she held it up.

"I dunno, you know how to work it? Because if you don't, Marshmallow...you'll become steak tartar."

Kate pouted and used the puppy-dog eyes, making Chloe chuckle and shake her head. "Alright. First, go get me my food."

* * *

Chloe sat further back in the dugout, checking her broken Hello Kitty watch yet again. She huffed and reached for her beer, spitting it out once she realised it was warm. Kate had been and gone with the food, a delicious ham sandwich. Fuck yeah.

"I should get a new beer."

Suddenly, she heard the cocking of a gun behind her and turned quickly, to be met with the black masked face of a Water and Power soldier.

"Shit." She muttered.

"Water and Power! Hands in the fucking air!" The soldier called, and Chloe did just that, head tilting. She looked over to her base, watching the soldiers climb in, and let out a yell of anger. As soon as she was pulled onto her feet, she drove her knee into the soldiers dick, snatched the gun and slammed the barrel into his face, before throwing the weapon aside. She then began to run as quickly as her booted feet allowed her. A heavy force barreled into her from the side, knocking her to the floor as another gun was trained on her.  
Someone yelled her name from the building, and she looked up into the face of Kate, who was gripping onto the window tightly.

"Chloe! Help! Chloe!"

"Kate!" Chloe screamed, moving to stand. "If you bastards touch her I will fucking kill you!"

The soldier swung at her, but she twisted and delivered a swift punch to his face, grabbing the gun and tugging it out of his hand roughly. She glanced up to the window again, before screaming louder at the sight.

Rachel was standing against the window, and her body jerked roughly as she was shot again and again and again.  
"No! No! No!"

She slammed her hand into the side of the gun, pulling the trigger. Nothing.

"Come on!"

She slammed the gun again, squeezing the trigger once more. "Work! Shit!"

An arm wrapped around her neck and dragged her backwards, a nozzle digging into her spine. She dropped the weapon as several more men surrounded her. The douchebag without the mask must have been the leader, as he grinned at the struggling bluenette.

"You've been stealing water from us. That's not a very good idea."

"Of course you're British. All the bad guys are." Chloe grumbled, rolling her eyes. The "boss man" moved and delivered a swift kick to her stomach, making her double over and vomit into the sand. One of the guys holding her looked to the unmasked fuck and snickered. "We could have a lot of fun with this girl."

Chloe had a witty remark on her lips, only for a quiet moo to silence it. Chloe's buffalo wandered up slowly, and the british asshole turned to it, grinning. "Well well. Don't you know you shouldn't own animals."

A bullet rang out through the air, making Chloe jump and wince.

"There's a water shortage." The brit said, and Chloe grinned, working up a big mouthful of saliva and spitting it onto the males face. "There's your fucking water."

The wanker brushed the spit from his face, narrowing his eyes. He then reared his fist back and drove it directly into Chloe's face, sending pain blossoming over her features and knocking her into a rather wonderful black state of unconsciousness.

* * *

Chloe woke up half an hour later, hands tied, and the face of some pasty W&P soldier right in front of her. She refused to meet the guys eyes, instead looking up to the roof and pursing her lips.

"Oi. You. Look at me when I'm talkin' to ya." The soldier said, flicking a mark on Chloe's face. She winced audibly and closed her eyes, before opening the azure hues and simply glaring at the male.

"That cut looks painful." The male stated, moving to sit back. Chloe simply grinned.

"I quite like pain."

"Oh really? What else do you like."

"Hot oil...vacuum attachments...yup! Hey. Which one of you gorgeous guys wants an oil change, hm?"

The male that was in her face stood up yet again, despite the protests from his friends.

"Don't be stupid, Logan. She's gonna bite that shit off."

The male shook his head and stood in front of Chloe, who was still tied with her hands in front of her. He unzipped his pants, pulling his cock out and glaring down at the girl. His hand then moved and grabbed his gun, cocking it and pressing the barrel to her head.

"The second I feel teeth, you feel led."

Chloe nodded and glanced up, smiling before glancing back down to the cock in front of her. God it was gross. Like a broken snake.

"Well? What are you waitin' for?!" The soldier yelled, pushing the barrel of the gun harder into Chloe's blue hair.

"I'm gonna need a microscope and pair of tweezers. It's like-" She was cut off by a knee to the face, knocking her head back and causing a spray of blood to escape her nose. She gasped and turned her head, spitting the blood onto the floor.

"You know, you're gonna have to stop hitting me. You're really turning me on."

The soldier grunted and moved, forcing himself between the bluenette's thighs. After a moment, she felt a hand paw at her ass, and moved quickly. She lifted both her legs and placed her boots on the soldiers head, twisting them roughly and wrenching his neck; killing him instantly.

"Freeze!" The rest of the soldiers yelled, instantly training their guns on the female. Chloe looked around and widened her eyes in shock, shrugging her shoulders and speaking in a high pitched innocent voice.

"The fuck did I do?"


End file.
